Dream a little dream

Hey dudes. It's been a while since my last real update.

I've come to that moment - at least at this point in life - where I'm itching to break out and just be free. I'm starting to question what is it that makes me truly happy, not just to make other people happy.

As I go to work 5 days a week, 9 to 5 every day, I start to question whether this job is really something I want or if it's just something that will pay the bills and impress my family and friends. It's true that it's work - you don't have to be particularly passionate about it and you don't always look forward going to it every morning - but the question starts to rise as to whether this is something I want in life.

And then I start thinking about the 'what ifs'. What if I get a job in something I am actually passionate about and then the mundane reality of going to it 5 days a week will take the magic away? What if that happens and that way I won't have that escape to what I love anymore? I get scared like that.

Sometimes I feel like it's right to keep dreams as just that. Because at least it's always going to be that happy little place you visit in your head to take the edge off reality when you need it most.

The February that was

I had a conversation with P today, and she kindly pointed out that I've gone through my first month at the office now. Time has flown indeed.

First week of this month was spent rather casually at the office, getting to know my role better and my boss and supervisor not giving me that much work yet. I went out over the weekend, going to a friend's birthday drinks at a place full of naked baby angels (like the place, don't really like the crowd); went for lunch on the Saturday (spent about 30 minutes standing alone at Footscray Station, so the day was a bit of a thriller-drama-comedy, I guess, but I ended up having a great time, thanks to Nick); went out for drinks at night around the corner where the pink elephants are, then later on at the icky Irish pub down the street; then spent all day Sunday doing nothing before going to my friends' gig down by the beach. That was by far the best week I've had this month.

The following week was a bit hell because that was when I really learnt what it feels like to bring work home. I had a lot of work to do at the office and I couldn't finish them by the time 5 o'clock struck; and so the deadline needed to be extended and that was not a nice feeling to bring with me when I came in the next morning. But thankfully that was resolved by the time Thursday rolled in and I was able to enjoy the weekend. I went out dancing on Saturday night for Shahana's birthday and then had yum cha the next day for Chinese New Year. Bought "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" on DVD too that day; enjoyed it a lot, and it wasn't only because of our extensive adulation for Robert Downey, Jr. Yes, mainly that, but Val Kilmer is pretty damn good there too.

Last week was pretty underwhelming as I'd expected something equally high-strung as the previous week, but it turned out the workload had died down then and I was cruising along till the weekend. Mum and Dad came back mid-week from their month-long stay in Jakarta so the rest of that week was spent catching up with them. I went to my friends' gig again on Thursday night; finally got to talk properly with the drummer after not having done so in the past, so I won't feel guilty anymore now when I see him at their gigs. Went to an old friend's birthday drinks after work on Friday, then to dinner and more drinks with the girls which turned out to be disastrous because lack of sleep + alcohol = well, let's just say not pretty. I spent Saturday looking at properties for half of the clan when they come Down Under next month. Had a lovely late lunch by the water with mum to celebrate finally finding a property, before going to the movies with my sister at night. "The Wolfman" turned out to be pretty fantastic; I love Benicio Del Toro there.

And so it's come down to this week. It's my 6th week working full-time and honestly, it feels like high school all over again, except people wear suits and nice structured dresses and I spend half the day in front of the computer. I tell you what, nothing beats that feeling when 5 o'clock strikes on a Friday afternoon. It feels pretty damn great. Oh, and I'm finally reading "A Study In Scarlet" properly this time. The book makes me all the more compelled to read some Poe.

I miss blogging like this. I should spill my guts on a public space more often.

2010

What I'm looking forward to next year:

o Finally starting on my path to becoming rich (a girl needs her diamonds and couture, you see)
o Having a daily routine
o FIFA World Cup 2010 in South Africa
o New job
o Using my Moleskine monthly diary 2010 (yes, that's acutely important to me)
o Actually having New Year's Day, Australia Day, Labour Day, Easter weekend, ANZAC Day, Queen's Birthday, Cup Day and Christmas Day off
o Finally getting that Mulberry Bayswater bag
o It's my year, The Year of the Tiger! (I don't know how that will affect me, but let's hope it'll bring good luck, unlike that stupid belief that your Chinese year is always gonna be a bad year for you)

Basically there's not that many, but I just feel like 2010 sounds like a nice, round group of numbers. It will be 10 years since I moved to Melbourne and I think I can safely say things are gonna be all right. Not perfect and completely blissful, just okay.

Past couple of weeks

I've been reading my friends' blogs and I decided I wanna write in mine too.

So it's been going really well the past couple of weeks. As I last wrote here, we got our PR and I finished my master so to cut long story short, I've finished school forever. And then my sister got her dream house and it's a wicked little dwelling with the perfect view and all. It really does remind us of our childhood home back in Jakarta.

Then I had my birthday last weekend and it was plain wild. I think I can safely say people had a good time there. I think I can categorically say that it was the best birthday I've ever had, because it was, ironically enough, far from perfect. The day started off with me super sleepy with a headache then my parents and my sister wished me happy birthday; had breakfast then got down to business making food for the party that night; mum and dad started fighting over who got to mix the eggs with the pepper; got ready and left for yum cha and it was so very nice; opened presents; went home and ate my birthday cake, mango gateau! Went out, bought beer and ice; drove to the hotel; panicked over how to hide the 24 bottles of beer in the suitcase; checked in, complete with my mum trying to take over the whole process; family out, friends in; spent time with them before getting ready; people started coming and finally the party started; tired mixed with alcohol equals me drunk and passing out crying. It was ups and downs, highs and lows all rolled into one day. And that's okay; I think I'm starting to learn how to embrace imperfection. It's my life, it's anybody's life and I gotta stop striving for 24/7 poise and grace and just allow myself to let go.

Anyway, I'm going to Singapore and Jakarta in 3 weeks. I got a crazy deal for the flight, and I ain't paying nothing for accommodation in Singapore, so it's great. I hope I got enough money when I'm there so I can shop like nuts!

So anyway, I think things are going well. But I can't help thinking all the time when will the other shoe drop? I'm pessimistic that way and I sometimes think that things are too good to be true. I guess you can't blame me for thinking like that after the past 10 years of drama. But let's hope things are gonna be fine in the long-term. Not perfect, just fine.

Good news

Yay, so we got our permanent residency today! Everything seems to be working out slowly; don't wanna jinx it, but hopefully other things will go my way.

We can start fresh now: I can work without worrying my savings will go into yet another tuition fee; I don't have to worry anymore about being the only uni graduate that keeps getting back to school; and I'm so partying like nuts on my birthday till I pass out with drunken jizz coming out of my mouth.

I'm going to Jakarta in the next month or so and luckily I've saved up enough money for the plane ticket and some spot of shopping over there.

Last but never least, thank you God.

Pizza and flu

This was probably the best pizza I've had in a while. My sister made it with simple pita bread, tomato paste and cheese. Super yummo.

So much has been happening in the past month. But I guess there's no point talking about them because, well, they're in the past.

I can hear people coughing, throwing up and sneezing outside my house. Swine flu, anybody?

Super random

A few things that I saw in Sydney which I found to be quite weird:

- A van parked on George St with the embarrassingly huge slogan written across it - "Chant Hare Krishna and be happy!"

- Spotted in Chinatown: a little boy sitting down with what looks like an issue of FHM on his lap.

- Two ladies with a dog in their respective bags.

- A picture of a scary pink lady in the ad for Yayoi Kusama's exhibition at Sydney's MCA. And this friggin' ad is following me everywhere! Google that exhibition and see what I mean.

Apart from that, my cousin's wedding yesterday turned out to be a fantastically beautiful day. And what with the shit that happened in our family on the lead-up to it, I think she did an exceptional job planning it.

Midnight ramble

I hung out tonight at V's place; there were B, D and Ceuceu, as well as Amar and Tanno. We got together to watch "Transamerica" and then sat around for a bit of talk and some drinks. It was nice, clean fun tonight.

I need to go and rest for the whole day tomorrow. It's my last day off before I have to work on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. They're not extremely long hours, but I know I'll go nuts from having to see the same place every day for 7 days.

But that also means money, which is always good. I'm planning to save up a lot this year, especially since there's the possibility that K, A, L and I are going to Japan this September. On top of that, my cousin and I have already planned to go around Indo between July and August. Well, I'm hoping to get a bit of financial boost for that trip from my lovely grandparents, so if that happens, technically I need to just save up for Japan.

I am shit-tired. I'm gonna go and get some sleep now then.

Here's to 2009

So it's the new year already, and it's been a funny first week of 2009.

I slept through the New Year's countdown, so I had at least enough rest before working on the New Year's Day.

Then on the 3rd, I went for a road trip with my parents and B and D. That combination of participants was funny enough, but then D had a massive motion sickness halfway through the drive and he had to take anti-nausea tablets before making our way home. I took one too cause I also got sick from looking at D being sick. Either way, we had fun checking out the sights, though.

On the 5th, I had a friend's party and being the ass that I am, I bought a dress especially for the occasion - on the same day. It wasn't an expensive dress, though, and I think it's pretty so I guess I'll be able to wear it for a couple of times.

The next day, my friends and I went to the beach but we only managed to stay there for about 2 hours because cold wind started coming and we had to pack up before we got blown away to the middle of the sea.

And finally, today we saw Twilight and I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was - I'm sorry - one of the worst movies I've ever seen. The action part was fine, but the romance part? You could tell it was written by some crazy fanfiction geek. "You're my personal brand of heroin"? Pfft. Please. Even my ass can come up with something better than that.

I can't wait to see what else 2009 will bring for me.

Feeling decadent

Today felt like a perfect day, despite all the rain. I was wearing an outfit that I actually like (call me superficial but yes, liking your outfit is as important as flossing your teeth regularly), had coffee with my mum and my sister and I went shopping; I bought the French Sole ballet flats that I'd been wanting over the past week.

It was just an indulgent day.

Out of order

It was my birthday last Friday and this is what my sister thinks I look like on my special day. She's a great illustrator.

I'm pissed off with my new anti-virus program. It's making my computer run so slow and it doesn't even block pop-ups. Whoever created this program should go back home and learn how to say 'dumb' from their mama cos that's what they are.