Busybody

Happy X'mas!

For some reason, Christmas has always been a bit of a bittersweet time of the year for me. For quite some time, I couldn't exactly say why. It should always mean happy times with the family and fun, relaxing holiday. So I didn't know where the negativity came from; I just always felt down a little when the end of the year rolled in.

And then I figured it out: apart from the fact that my family will always seem to clash when they spend too much time together (it's unavoidable in every family, I've come to terms with that), but at the same time, Christmas means holidays. And while a holiday seems like a great time, to me time off means uselessness and boredom. I just realised today - of all days - that ever since I started kindergarten, I would have something to look forward to and would have some sort of purpose. It never occured to me to take a year off after high school; I didn't even know what 'gap year' was until my first year at uni. And that too was the exact reason why I enrolled in postgrad right after I finished my undergrad, because I wasn't quite ready for workforce yet but I know I'd just go crazy if I didn't have anything to do. I was feeling a bit depressed in the past 6 months because when I'd finished that postgrad, I felt like I didn't have anything to give myself some meaning. And when this new job finally came along, I felt not good, but actually content. It's like I've got purpose again.

And so I think it's safe for me for now to just keep doing something and not stop. Especially since I still have the energy to do it. I might even like to add something else to this work, just so I get even busier, maybe like a language course or one of those magazine publishing courses I saw being offered in RMIT. And then other days I'll do my weekly exercises, like bikram yoga classes or swimming.

I'm just looking forward to being busy again.