Going bananas

You know, I'll come out and admit it. I'm in a rut.

I feel like I have nothing to define me; I'm not a student anymore, but I'm kinda stuck doing it for some legal reasons. And because I'm doing that, I can't get a job. Well, not a full-time job, anyway. And not having a job is, well, pretty depressing. I mean, I work where I work right now, but it's a casual job. That's not something that I love doing. And the way things are going with the magazine job and the stupid Indo community that goes with it, I have nothing to be proud of.

You see, maybe it's the old-fashioned mentality of always having something to show what I've done - "here's what I did, I've achieved this and this and this..." and all that crap. But I seriously feel low for not having done something good lately. People might say to me, "but come on, you've got your masters..." Yeah, so? I haven't proved to myself and anyone else that I can hold down a job and be good at it. The only thing I've done for the past 17 years is that I can do my homework. Yeah, whoopee, let's give Sasha some certificate and put her in a stupid gown and hat.

I just feel like with all this hanging over me, I can't go and function properly. I'm self-conscious all the time, I'm constantly moody and what's worse, I'm projecting all these on people I hate.

Oh well, I'll get over it soon.